Big feelings

It’s completely normal to have many overwhelming feelings when you’re living with lung disease or lung cancer. It can be tough when you feel bad, sad or angry. These feelings can be intense and last for a little while or even for days.

Often, healthcare professionals don’t talk much about these feelings. But it’s super important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way. We’re here to help you! Try some of these ideas to help you manage how you’re feeling.

Loss and grief

When you live with lung disease or lung cancer, you might feel a sense of loss and grief. This often happens, and it’s okay to feel this way.

What is loss?

Loss can be:

• Physical: Things you can touch or see, like losing an item, a pet dying or losing your job or income.
• Symbolic: Things that are very important in life but not physical. For example, a relationship breakdown or a serious illness. It can also be about dreams you had for your future that have changed. 

Losing something can make you feel sad. Grief is often easier for people to understand when you lose something you can see. Society tends to give more support for these kinds of losses, and showing your feelings isn’t seen as a bad thing.

However, when the loss is something you can’t see, like being told you have a lung disease, it can be harder for others to understand. You might try to act brave, but this can often make your feelings of grief even stronger later on.

Even though loss and grief can be very upsetting, they help you get used to living with lung disease. Grief helps you to adjust. It can also take you on a rollercoaster of overwhelming feelings like fear, sadness, anger, denial, disbelief, worry, anxiousness, helplessness, guilt and impatience.

These feelings can pop up unexpectedly and change quickly. Over time, as you get used to things, these feelings should start to feel less strong. If they get worse or don’t fade, please see your doctor or ask for help from a mental health professional.

Fear

Fear is a feeling that tells us when something isn’t safe. While fear can help keep you safe, when it gets too big, it can make life difficult. People with lung disease or lung cancer might feel more fear due to:

• The unknown
• Breathlessness
• Flare-ups
• Their condition getting worse
• Thoughts about dying.

Fear can show up in many ways. If you’re living with lung disease or lung cancer, you might experience a specific type of fear that’s linked to your condition.

It can sometimes feel as if you’re walking through a minefield in your mind. You might have quiet thoughts about what it’s like to have lung disease and what could happen. These fears can make you feel exposed, scared, and like you’re all by yourself. (But remember, you’re not alone!)

Often, the smartest thing you can do is to let yourself feel scared, worried or fearful. When you notice these big and worrying feelings, it can help you to feel more in control. Feeling fear sometimes is normal. If your fear gets too big to handle, talking to a counsellor or therapist could really help. They can share ideas to help you get those feelings back under control.

Other big feelings

Besides fear, many people can experience stronger than usual levels of:

• Anger
• Sadness
• Hopelessness
• Worthlessness
• Irritability
• Frustration
• Stress
• Impatience.

Noticing that you might not be as calm as you once were, is a normal reaction to living with lung disease or lung cancer.

Mental health care plan

A mental health care (or treatment) plan is something you create with your GP. It can help you access services from mental health professionals like psychologists, social workers or occupational therapists. This plan can also make appointments more affordable. You don’t need to have a diagnosed mental health condition to talk to your doctor about whether a plan might be right for you. It’s normal to feel nervous about bringing it up. Just remember that it’s very common for doctors to develop these plans for their patients.  

Stigma and lung disease

People who feel they are being judged or looked down on often feel guilt, shame, and embarrassment about their condition, no matter if they smoked or not. Everyone, regardless of how they developed lung disease or lung cancer, deserves support and understanding.

When to seek help

Help can come from many places, including family, friends, neighbours or medical and allied health professionals.

Feeling sad, fearful, worried and down are normal and are expected after a diagnosis, a flare-up, your condition getting worse or if it is coming back. It’s important to get help from a mental health professional when these big feelings cause significant distress and start to disrupt your life.

It can be hard to work out what feelings are normal and expected, and to know when you might need help. A good idea is to track how often you feel significant distress. Think about how much this distress affects your daily life. These can help you understand what a normal emotional reaction is and when you might need to reach out for help.

Ask yourself: 

• Is my distress significant for most of the day, on most days, and for a period that feels uncomfortable?
• Does my distress stop me from living my best life and doing what I want to do?

If you answered yes, please speak with a mental health professional.

If you or your loved ones start to notice that you are “not your normal self”, this is another sign that you might need to ask for help. These changes can include:

• Less patience
• Feeling snappy
• Increased daydreaming
• Disturbed sleep or wanting to sleep more
• Changes in appetite
• Losing interest in things you normally enjoy.

These are all signs that you might not be coping well and could need some support to get yourself back on track.

Mind Matters resources

Support posts

Helpful links

• Mental health treatment plan