Being a mum with lung cancer can be challenging and emotionally exhausting. Parenting is tough enough without adding cancer into the mix. You may wonder how you can cope with your emotions during your diagnosis, juggling a family, work and other important life commitments. Lung Foundation Australia has composed some tips for being a mum with lung cancer.
When we think of people with cancer, we often think of those older. However, while it is not as common, there are parents like yourself, who will be diagnosed in the earlier stages of life. There will be some who are diagnosed when their children are young or still at school. As a result, there is a whole other set of emotions to combat.
Your diagnosis presents a new set of challenges to being a mum, as you still maintain a central role in other people’s lives. Be it as a parent, a daughter, and often as a partner. While you begin your treatment, your children’s lives keep going with a busy schedule of going to school, daycare, play dates and so forth. Read on for tips for being a mum with lung cancer. Links to useful resources to help support you through your diagnosis are also available.
Talk to your children about your diagnosis
Talking about your diagnosis is not easy, especially when it comes to children. It can be scary, with your first instinct being to keep the diagnosis away from them. However, open communication helps children to understand what’s going on. Children are observant. They pick up on signs of stress or sadness, or changes to their daily routine.
You may be concerned about your children’s reaction or be apprehensive about the disruption to their daily routines. It will take time to determine the best course of action to inform your children and loved ones about your lung cancer diagnosis.
When sharing the news, be prepared for their initial reaction. It’s okay to explain to your family that what you are telling them is upsetting. A strong reaction is natural to the news their mum is ill. We cannot stop children from feeling sad, but you can offer them an open forum to help them understand. As a result, this can create a safe environment for them to feel and ask questions.
Sharing information demonstrates your trust and values. Talking to your children about your lung cancer diagnosis also offers them an opportunity to share their feelings with you. You can discuss ways to cope with it together. Sometimes taking your children to hospital visits and introducing them to staff members can help to reduce their fears.
Reach out for support
Navigating being a mum with lung cancer means there will initially be a lot of unknowns. Lung Foundation Australia’s Lung Cancer Support Nurse free telephone-based service provides support to people and carers living with lung cancer. At any stage of the lung cancer pathway, the nurse-led service can provide personally tailored information and education. This can help you to understand your diagnosis, treatment and symptom management. This also includes your emotional well-being.
Alternatively, the Lung Cancer Social Work program can help you or your loved ones navigate through some of the emotional impacts of being a mum with lung cancer. The free telephone-based service offers support and advice around a lot of different strategies for coping with your illness. The service can provide individual counselling for you and your carer or loved ones.
Take time for yourself
With the demands of a family and living with lung cancer, it can be easy to forgo your own needs. Particularly in the early stages of your diagnosis, you may feel like it’s hard to think of anything else. You may sleep less, have greater anxiety and worry more about your family. Furthermore, you may cry more often or feel the need to bottle up your emotions. There is no right or wrong way to handle your lung cancer diagnosis.
This is a time where you need to prioritise looking after yourself. Do not feel guilty. The ironing always needs to be done, and there is always more time to do the dishes. Taking time to listen to your body provides an opportunity for your energy to be restored. As a result, you’ll have greater strength for your time to spend with your family.
Join a support group: Connect with others
Often talking to someone else in a similar position can help with the challenges of living with lung cancer. Peer support groups bring people together with shared lived experiences. They offer a place to disclose tips and help those experiencing the same tribulations as you.
Joining a peer support group can also be an easy and convenient way to increase your well-being. They offer a place to find relevant and trustworthy information to help you as a mum living with lung cancer. Some people find talking to others with shared experiences can help them feel less distressed. It is often reported people feel less alone when attending support groups, with the groups offering messages of hope.
Let your children help you
When a loved one is sick, it may be hard to identify new ways to ask for help. Asking your children to help with household chores or assist with errands is often a way to help them feel like they are contributing. While you take time to absorb your lung cancer diagnosis, and treatment starts, you will have less time to complete your usual routine of household chores. Asking your kids to help means the chores can still get done, but it’s important to remember they may not do everything with the same details as you would.
Tips to asking your children for help with chores:
- Saying thank you and well done demonstrates their efforts are valued and appreciated
- Create a chores chart to keep track of what has and has not been completed
- Ask your kids to work together. For example, if you have a child who can drive, they may be able to help with school drop-off
- Consider a rewards system. While they will feel they are contributing during stressful times, incentives such as screen time or other valuable currencies can assist with motivation.
